Tit for Tat Nations: A Subcontinental Love Story

It’s a bit awkward—okay, downright embarrassing—to be associated with a region where stupidity isn’t just common, it's institutionalized at the highest levels. Yes, I'm talking about the darling duo of South Asia: India and Pakistan. Two countries locked in a decades-long, mind-numbing soap opera that somehow keeps managing to get renewed for more seasons—against all logic and viewer fatigue.

Episode #728: Pahalgam Attacks and the Diplomacy Olympics

So what do you do when a terrorist attack happens in Pahalgam?
Well, if you’re India, you do everything except directly blame Pakistan (because nuance is dead, but plausible deniability isn’t). You make all the passive-aggressive moves possible, like threatening to break the Indus Waters Treaty—a deal made in the freaking 1960s to prevent exactly this kind of nonsense. Essentially:

“No bombs yet, but we’re turning off your taps.”

Naturally, Pakistan, in its own spectacularly unoriginal fashion, decides to mirror that gesture.

“Oh yeah? Well, we’ll break the Simla Agreement! Take that!”
Because nothing says “we're mature nations” like waving historical treaties around like exes threatening to delete each other's Netflix passwords.

Meanwhile, in Povertyville…

Here's the real kicker: both countries are broke. Like, hilariously broke.
Millions live below the poverty line, and yet the governments are out here LARPing Cold War-style politics like it’s their full-time job.

There’s no money for hospitals, but there’s always money for chest-thumping rallies and defense budgets the size of Jupiter. Because nothing screams “national pride” like buying more tanks while half your population doesn’t have clean drinking water.

Enter the Nutcases in Charge

The leaders? A new breed of jingoistic supervillains. Equal parts narcissism and nationalism.
From saffron-colored saviors to camouflage-drenched defenders of the faith, both sides have elected (and re-elected!) people who couldn't run a lemonade stand without starting a nuclear standoff over who gets the sugar.

Spoiler: They're not even good at the whole “evil genius” thing. Just evil. Minus the genius.

A Brilliantly Unrealistic Proposal

Here’s my proposal, and it's so good it should be a Netflix docuseries:
“The People’s Union of Indian States (P.U.I.S.)”

• 99% autonomy to all states.

• Full nuclear deterrence (because we're not complete fools).

• Armed forces? Retired and repurposed into emergency task forces. Think less “war” and more “flood rescue with style.”

• A figurehead? Absolutely. A new title: The Czar.

• First Czar? Me. Obviously. I’m the only one who can name names and say the things that get you kicked off national TV.

Why Me?

Because it takes a lunatic to fix a madhouse.
Because I’m equal parts sarcastic, visionary, and broke enough to be relatable.
Because I’m the only one proposing a union not based on 1947 trauma flashbacks or WhatsApp forwards.

Final Thought

So here's to the tit-for-tat nations, where logic goes to die and treaties are the new Facebook statuses: "It's complicated."

One day, maybe the people will get tired of being pawns in this clown show.
Until then, I’ll be preparing my acceptance speech as the First Czar of PUIS—the only title more absurd than the reality we’re living in.